We are our own worse enemy. Cliché but true! As a Christian, I must remember the bible says to love your enemies! Why do we beat ourselves up for our mistakes? I think it may center around the difference between blame vs. responsibility.
Like everyone else I am not perfect. Abusing alcohol is one of the worst decisions I have made. I am also however, so grateful for my addiction! Why? It has taught me the true meaning of living one day at a time. Maybe I would have or could have learned it in a different fashion but I didn’t.
Living one day at a time is not just for the person with addiction issues. My time in rehab has enabled me to be able to begin to utilize the principles that will help me to stay sober and incorporate them into everyday life. The reason for that is because of what John Maxwell says, to paraphrase “a practice is something used for a particular situation but a principle can be applied to any situation”. One principle I learned is how to negotiate and move beyond blame while embracing responsibility.
I think of myself as an individual that has always taken responsibility for his actions. I have recently discovered that has not always been true. The fact is, what I have done has been blame and accept. I would often say, “Yes I did such and such, so what!” and sometimes the blame would help me believe that as a result of my actions I didn’t deserve to have any positive. For many years I accepted the fact that my life was unmanageable, unfortunately I didn’t care. Of course there were times when I was concerned, but true knowledge and concern is always accompanied by action.
Jamie Foxx had an extremely popular song a few years ago entitled, Blame it on the Alcohol. While drinking is not an excuse for poor behavior, that behavior once changed is also not something we should be ashamed of. I am not proud of my prior behavior and there is some remorse but there is a difference between being guilty and living with guilt. I have found the way to combat guilt is by taking responsibility.
There is an expression that goes, “the best apology is a change in behavior”. That statement is what taking responsibility is truly about. Blame is about the past, responsibility is about the future. Since yesterday ended at midnight, if I have sincerely changed my behavior and apologized, there is no reason for me to continue to live today with guilt.
The bible tells us that to whom much is given much is required. That does not mean that we should fret about the future. The great thing about tomorrow is it’s a destination none of us have traveled to yet so we are all playing with the same hand. For the addict, moderation is a concept that is a challenge. If you examine the lives of most addicts, you will discover that we do many things to the extreme. Planning is important. As the sayings go, the shortest distance between where you are and where you want to be is a plan. It’s also important to remember that an idea without a goal is merely a wish. “Fortune cookie” wisdom aside, living life focusing on the day-to-day mantra along with a definitive plan is key to taking responsibility. I want to live an abundantly full life and being a responsible adult, while focusing on the next right thing, is the only way that any of us can expect to expand our territory.
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